MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
