Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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