cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
