new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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