One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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