I love black thongs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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