While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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