i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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