when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
