I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i now understand why vodka
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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