Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
