Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
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I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
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I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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