Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
