Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
