I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
