My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
