had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
