Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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