Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
