She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
