We named our party play list daddy issues
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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