I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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