so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
