What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
