Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
