Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
ttyl tear gas
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
