i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
