im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
