He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
