Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
