I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her vagine was all disorganized.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
