The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
