i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
