grandma shit on top of the toilet
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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