i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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