You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
They have beer where we have blood.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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