This dress was meant to end up on your floor
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
