Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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