Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
