her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
