There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Enjoy the penises
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
