mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
