Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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