so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
