I'm really into asian looking animals
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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