I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
sarcasm needs its own font
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
