oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
