So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize