My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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