hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize