dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
