everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
