If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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