that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
