You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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