I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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