saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
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Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
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I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
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