Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
