are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
