I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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