check it out our google latitudes are spooning
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
