Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
