Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
