Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
