What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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