Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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