he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
