maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
