If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
