Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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