My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
