you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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